Rations

In this house, it's not food...
Or water.

It's heat.

As soon as you start feeling your toes, or the end of your nose starts to warm up, or you begin to be able to move your fingers properly, the heat is turned down/off/you were dreaming.

Spring, I await your arrival.

95%

19/20.

That's what we got in our (my) oral presentation.
One of the team members saw me waiting in line to get in the Gym before the math exam, and patted me on the back and said, ''Hey! We got 95%!''

Thoughts going through my head as a rush of sudden anger and hatred runs through my veins: ''Listen up, PAL. I got 95%. You got nothing. NOTHING, you hear?!''

This is the ongoing pattern with team projects. Now, I have repeatedly searched, and I have yet to find the precious little ''i'' which should probably be placed as a silent vowel in the word TEAM.

I don't know if teachers see the despair in my face when they mention ''group presentation'' or ''team project''. Everyone knows there's always that one member that does everything. That one person who hasn't completely given up just because, well, because.

''So today we will be discussing the final project which is due on december 7th. You will be placed into groups of 4 or 5 [...] (rest is irrelevant because Féli is already ripping her hair out and scratching her eyes out.)''

Glad I got that out of my system.
Also glad I got the grade I worked for.

Artificial Freedom

Ok well.
I have one exam left, the English Exit exam, which should be a walk in the park. All I have to do is pass it, so i'm not too worried about it at all.

So technically I am free.

But now that I am, I remember that I actually have very little to do.

I want to go downtown, but I don't want to go alone, and I can't find anyone to go with. Not now, anyways, people still have exams.

I need to go to Archambault....and maybe just walk around in the streets with someone who will dress warmly enough not to complain about being cold every 5 minutes.

You live in Canada, dress warm, okay? In case you haven't noticed, it's this cold every winter.

And it's not like you have to go out there looking like an eskimo either, layering will do the trick.

My room is so freaking cold, I think it would probably be the same if my window was open. When I sit at my desk, I feel a current of cold air coming from it, which is why when it's not sunny I don't open the curtains up. I need to go get one of those plastic things to cover my window.

I need to make a list, actually...

And i'm too lazy to even do that.

Time for another lazy day, I guess.

N'importe quoi.

I thought people wouldn't read this post because I hadn't updated in such a long time, but then I realized I had followers and you would probably get notified about any updates.

So I have an oral presentation on Friday. I despise oral presentations. I was going to write: ''There is nothing I hate more in the existence of life on planet earth and the history of human blah blah....than oral presentations'', but I realize I probably said that already at some point during one of my earlier posts.

Last night, I get an email from one of the team members, ''Give me a call, i'm getting confused in my discussion..''

We ended up talking on Facebook chat, and I was so angry I had to explain what they had to do...

I'm not going to complain about everything being done last minute as it always is with group presentations, but if you can't handle doing something last minute, then DON'T!

This morning, we had a group meeting in front of the library.

Nobody had covered ANY of the topics I suggested, and what they are talking about seems completely off topic and quite irrelevant.

I showed them my powerpoint presentation, and they said ''Oh...I'm going to have to try a little harder I think...''

...You....YOU THINK!?!? Oh you better. Because let me tell you what might happen during the group evaluation. I may have to write the number which is the closest to negative figures as I can get. A BIG FAT UGLY ZERO.

One girl on our team has a 60% right now.

I wish I could make her fail, she deserves it.

One always shows up late.

ANYWAYS. All this to say that it makes me realize that the world actually functions this way.

People don't change just because a group presentation because a meeting at work.

This is why I don't want to handle people.

I don't even know why I should try saving the planet, maybe extinction of the human species would....No, let me correct that: extinction of the human species IS the only possible way to avoid...No that doesn't even make sense, because we've created our own doom.

And I always ask myself, why have children, you're giving them life on an earth you left worse off than it was before you were born. It's like....A christmas gift you've already opened and used, and then you wrap it and give it to someone. Like....a candle, you've already used it, it's obvious, the wax is all over it and melted, and then you wrap it and you give it to someone else. Merry Christmas!....or, happy birthday, you're doomed :)

I saw this lady in the bathroom, she was trying to dry her hands, and she had left the tap on.

So I turned it off and stared at her with an ''I am so disappointed'' face, and walked out.

You know, I really wonder how many people brush their teeth without turning the tap off.

When I think about it, I just...what the hell?

This doesn't even have anything to do with people in Africa having no water or anything...I mean, it kind of does but....No, it's just that...There are such easy ways to reduce waste, and people just don't care. They can't care, they don't know.

Had I not taken this particular humanities course, i'd have never known.

People need....people need to know.

It should be a mandatory course....Not humanities, I mean, the knowledge of how our food is made, where it comes from, where it goes, what is in it, what it does to the environment, what is happening with oil, who, what, when, where, why...That kind of stuff. The information is out there, you have to shove it in people's faces. Shove it. Not put it....IMPOSE IT. Like ads are imposed, and...fashion...and all that useless crap.

Hey, hey, buddy, what happens to those numbers and those coins and those papers and plastic cards we call money when there is nothing left?

Oh, right, we panic, and we say ''Damn it, this sucks.''

See....This is why i'm going into Science, I probably won't even like it, but I feel I can't just sit here and take pictures or make websites for the rest of my life....And no, I don't want to make a movie or a website or anything ABOUT what is happening...I know I said we must SHOVE the information in people's brains, but I need to be implicated in finding better solutions.

And i'm not saying i'm that eco-friendly either, I take super long showers.

I just....ahhh there is so much.......crap...

OH. And the STM?

THE STM SUCKS!

No wonder nobody takes the bus, it never comes, or it's always full....or the bus driver stares at you as you stand outside in -40 degree weather, as he sips his cup of Tim Horton's coffee, which is probably not even fair trade, and then you stare with murderous eyes.

And plus, now that i'm 18, I only get a discount on the monthly pass.

GREAT, THANKS.

And to get that discount, I have to prove that I live in Montreal.

Oh, no, sorry, I live in CHINA, and I use the STM!

And every year, I have to stand in line for 2 hours to get my stupid face printed on the stupid piece of plastic, and they take my old Opus card, I don't even know what they do with it.

Never mind, they just throw it out, and there goes more garbage.

So, it's 12:35pm right now, and I have a math test at 4:oopm.

So i'm going to go study.

And on December 13th, I will run around the streets yelling, ''I'M FREE, I'M FREE'', so Nathalie if you hear someone screaming that in the street, it's probably me.

Have a nice day.